There Is Healing
by My Wonky Socks
Summary: Post Season 3-Becker deals with the loss of his friends and makes a startling discovery. Follows the webisodes in the beginning but some thing will be different from Series 4.
1. Chapter 1 Keep Me In Your Memory

**Chapter 1. Keep Me In Your Memory**

_It was my job to protect the team and I failed, because of me, they're all gone. I should have never let Connor, Abby and Danny go into the future alone, should have never let Sarah go with us when we attempted the rescue. Sarah's dead, Connor, Abby and Danny are still missing and presumed dead, and it's my fault. _

Becker's mind was a jumble of unwanted thoughts as he ran the familiar path through Hyde Park, the same path he'd ran since before he'd even started working at the ARC.

_I guess some things never change, _he mused.

It was the day before he was to return to the ARC, he'd pretended to be a hard sell when the offer had been put on the table, but the truth was, he wanted to go back, wanted to do everything in his power to, if there was any hope of it, bring his missing teammates home.

The next morning he was actually nervous when the elevator doors dinged and opened onto the floor of the ARC he needed. Everything was so different, the weapons in the armory were all tranquilizers, which Becker thought was a bad idea, sometimes you needed real firepower.

"Captain Becker?" a chipper, female voice came from his right.

He turned to see a girl, incredibly young, walking towards him, "Yes?" he replied.

"I'm Jess Parker," she said extending a hand, "I'm here to answer any questions you may have, show you around, that sort of thing."

"How old are you?" he hadn't meant to be quite so direct, or sound rude it just sort of slipped out.

"Nineteen," she replied.

_They're just letting anyone in now, aren't they? _he thought to himself.

He let the girl lead him around though, she was well informed, he'd give her that.

"I'm sure you have some questions for me as well," he said sitting down on a small set of stairs after they'd finished the tour.

"I don't want to pry…"

"No it's fine, I won't bite your head off, ask away."

"Well we know your teammates went into the future after Helen Cutter, but there's been talk of the past, about the first humans…it's confusing."

"After Danny, Connor and Abby went after Helen, Sarah deciphered something in a journal of Helen's, site 333, the Rift Valley, we organized a rescue attempt…but things went wrong, and after that we couldn't go back."

"Tell me about them, your friends, I mean if you don't mind, files aren't really helpful when it comes to a person's personality."

He fidgeted uncomfortably, "Sarah was incredibly smart, she started seeing the connections in the anomalies from the beginning, but what we do here it frightened her, and I guess she had a right to be afraid. She never really showed it, but we knew. She was a fiercely loyal friend, she would have done anything to bring the others back. Then there was Connor, he and Abby were best friends, but completely different, he's a genius with computers, a bit of a nerd, incredibly optimistic, but this job had started hardening him, I guess some things are unavoidable. He was a sweet kid."

"IS a sweet kid," Jess interrupted, "We have to have hope they're still alive."

"You're right… Danny was…is a rebel, he has no regards for the rules and considering it was my job to protect the team, he drove me crazy with that. He's loyal to the team though, and a great leader. Then there's Abby, strong, brave, loyal, fiercely protective of the people she cares about, she knows what she thinks is right and she won't be swayed from it, we butted heads a lot because of that, but…" his voice trailed off, it was hard talking about them.

"But, you loved her," Jess finished.

"What?" he said looking over at her incredulous, "No, I didn't…she was in love with Connor and just a colleague!"

"Becker, you aren't fooling anyone but yourself, I noticed the way your face changed, your voice, you love her."

"_There are some things we don't talk about, rather do without, just hold the smile." The Fray_


	2. Chapter 2 Chances Are

**Chapter 2. Chances Are**

One thing Becker had quickly come to realize was that he intensely disliked Matt Anderson. To sum it up neatly, the man was a pompous, arrogant ass, who thought his accomplishments made him better than everyone. Who the bloody hell cared that he'd climbed Everest, it wasn't going to make a difference when they were fighting a T-Rex!

He stared out the window of the main operations room, transfixed on nothing in particular, it was people like Matt who made him miss his teammates even more. Thinking about them made him go back to his conversation with Jess and what she'd said about his feelings for Abby.

Was she right? Had he been in love with her? Was he still, all this time later? His mental contemplations were drowned out by the shrill ringing of the ADD. Part of him still looked for Connor to come running and start typing away at the keys to get the coordinates, but it was Jess who came running.

She printed out the coordinates and Becker took off, "Tell Anderson to meet me at the truck!" he called over his shoulder.

"So where is it?" Matt asked.

"It's at an abandoned warehouse, I know the place, it's where Connor, Abby and Danny disappeared from."

"I know it's going to be difficult Captain Becker, but don't do anything reckless when we get there. I told you and the rest of the team I'm not giving up hope that they're alive, but if anyone goes in, it will be with backup, and as a team."

"While your backup is appreciated, I would have gone in with or without your permission," he said coolly.

Matt let out a sigh of exasperation but said nothing.

Luckily for them, the soldiers were right behind Matt and Becker when they arrived at the anomaly site.

Becker turned to the men before Matt even had a chance to open his mouth.

"I want two men here guarding the anomaly, the rest of you grab your gear and let's move out, we're going through the anomaly to see what time period it is and if there is any chance of saving the rest of the team." he said it with such ferocity that no one questioned him, except of course Matt.

"You aren't in charge of these men anymore Captain Becker, I am, from now on it'll be me giving the orders."

Becker glared at the man, "I trained most of those men, Lester wanted me to come back and fill my old position, I'm here and that means I'm in charge, especially of this operation, you don't know them like I do Anderson, if they're out there, I'll find them."

"I'd try to stop you, but you'd probably taser me unconscious or something," Matt replied dryly.

"Oh no, tasering would be far too easy, I'd punch you, make myself feel better." Becker responded before walking off to join his men.

They went through the anomaly, firearms raised and ready for anything. Becker couldn't help but musing how much easier it would have been if they had Connor to tell them what era they were in.

"If you think you're leaving me behind, you're bloody out of your mind," Matt said following them through the anomaly and looking around, "Plant life says Crustaceous to me," he said offhandedly.

They walked for several miles, having to take down a couple very hungry raptors along the way.

"Sir!" one of Becker's men called, "I found something you might want to see!"

Becker hurried over to find the soldier kneeling in front of a cave, it wasn't the cave that was interesting, it was the fire that had been built in front of it, sign of human inhabitance.

"It hasn't been here that long either," he noted.

They split up to look around, he sent Matt with two of his men in one direction, the other three in a second, and he went in a third by himself. Probably not the smartest move he'd ever made, but he'd wanted to cover as much ground as quickly as possibly.

He had no idea how long he'd been walking when a rustling in the trees nearby caused him to stop dead in his tracks. He hadn't even had time to reach for something to defend himself with, when it burst out at him.

"It," was Abby, and she came out ready to fight, Becker easily caught her fist in his hand.

"Becker!" she cried, withdrawing her hand and throwing her arms around his neck.

"You're alive," he murmured into her hair, which was now down to her shoulders, "Thank god. Where are Danny and Connor?" he asked, still holding tightly to her waist.

"_Chances are when said and done, who'll be the lucky ones, who make it all the way?" Five For Fighting_


	3. Chapter 3 When It's All Crashing Down

**Chapter 3. When It's All Crashing Down**

Becker could feel Abby's entire body tense under his touch, then she completely broke down in his arms. He stroked her hair helplessly, not wanting to press her to say anything she wasn't ready for.

Something had happened, that was obvious, one…or both of their other teammates were dead. Not another one he thought, please not another one.

She pulled back from him and turned away wiping at her eyes.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly, turning back to him, "This whole thing has just been a nightmare, I just keep hoping I'm going to wake up and I never do."

"It's alright, you're safe now," he said, meeting her eyes.

"Can we go home?" she asked.

"Of course," he said with a small smile, "Let's get you out of here."

He walked over and put his arm around her, leading her back towards the anomaly. The other two teams were already there when they reached it, one of his men opened his mouth to ask, Becker was sure, about the other two, but Becker silenced him with a sharp nod.

They got back through the anomaly, Abby still staying close to Becker's side. Matt turned to him,

"Let's get her to the ARC, have the medic team take a look at her."

Becker sank down to the floor outside the medical suite, he had no idea what had happened over there, but it had effected her immensely, he just hope it didn't bear any permanent repercussions.

The doctor came out into the hall what seemed like a century later, and seemed surprised to find Becker sitting on the floor.

"Captain Becker, Ms. Maitland is asking for you." he said quietly.

Becker quickly rose to his feet, "How is she?"

"She's suffering from post traumatic stress, a little malnourished, but otherwise completely healthy."

He slipped past the doctor into the small room and sat down beside Abby.

"Where are Sarah and Danny?" she asked, looking over at him.

"Danny…wasn't with you? He never came back through."

"He went ahead of us, after Helen, he never came back."

"Well we can only assume whatever happened, he took Helen down with him."

She nodded slowly before looking away from him and taking a deep breath, when her gaze returned to him, it was haunted.

"We'd been in about eight months, Connor and I went out hunting for food, we were at the river, fishing, Connor got to close to a Spinosaurus nest trying to catch something, we thought we'd outrun it but…" her whole body shook as she spoke.

He reached over and put a hand on hers, "You don't have to say anymore, I'm incredibly sorry Abby, I know how close the two of you were."

"Something happened here didn't it, to Sarah?" she asked, studying him.

"We sent in four rescue missions, they all failed, Sarah was killed by a raptor in the last one," he replied, voice shaky, "It was my fault…I never should have agreed to let her come, but if we found you, she wanted to be there."

Abby leaned forward and pressed her forehead to Becker's, "We'll get through this."

"I know, I'm just thankful you're alive, I'd thought I'd lost everyone."

"Nah, you can't get rid of me that easy," she responded with a weak laugh.

"So, I heard Lester and Burton talking about not being sure where you were going to live and I offered them for you to stay with me until you can get back on your feet, or for however long you like, I hope that's okay."

"Thank you Becker, that's great," she said reaching over and wrapping her arms around his neck.

"_So stand in the rain, stand your ground, stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain, you won't drown, and one day, what's lost can be found." Superchick _


	4. Chapter 4 Chemicals React

****Rated M for sexual content!**

**Chapter 4. Chemicals React**

"Well, this is it," Becker said, leading Abby into his flat.

Abby looked around,

"Wow, you're place is really neat for a single guy's flat," she laughed.

"I guess it's the military thing, old habits die hard," he mused.

Abby slid her coat off and lay it on the back of the couch.

"I'm just going to put your bag in the bedroom and I'll be back, make yourself at home," he told her before disappearing into the other room.

When he came back, Abby was staring at a picture on the mantle, shaking mildly. The picture she was staring at had been taken just shortly after he'd started working at the ARC, it was of him, Abby, Connor, Nick, Sarah, Lester and Jenny. _Idiot, _he chided himself for leaving the picture out, before walking over and putting a hand on her shoulder. She turned at his touch, and looked up at him.

"God, you must think I'm the whiniest person alive since I've been back," she joked lightly, "It just caught me off guard seeing it, I never thought I'd see the day when it was down to three of us."

He turned her to face him, and cupped her cheek in one hand, "I don't think you're whiny Abby, you've lost everyone close to you, it's only natural you'd be upset."

"I haven't lost everyone, I've got you…and Lester," she said the last name with the faintest hint of sarcasm.

"I've got something that might cheer you up some," he said with a small smile before disappearing.

When he came back, he cradled Rex in his arms, he'd gone to Abby's the day after their disappearance and got him and the lizards, not wanting anything to happen to them. Lester had been taking care of Sid and Nancy and become quite fond of them, not that he'd ever admit it.

"Rexy!" she cried, hurrying over to him and scooping the dinosaur into her arms, "Did you miss me?"

The dinosaur chirped happily and gently nuzzled her hand, before flying over to the table underneath the window to sun himself.

"Your snakes and lizards are here as well, in the small room off the kitchen," he told her.

She looked at him, eyes full of surprise, "You didn't have to do that, but thank you Becker," she said wrapping her arms around his neck to hug him.

He held her close, letting his fingers run through her now, shoulder length, silky, blonde hair. She shivered slightly, then her eyes came up to meet his. They stared at each other for several seconds, eyes locked in an incredibly sensual gaze, before he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers. She kissed him back, their lips meeting each others hungrily.

Her hands found the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off, she slid her hands down his bare chest before wrapping them around his shoulders. He let his lips travel from hers down her neck, nibbling softly. He could feel her nails dig into the skin of his shoulders as he began letting his tongue run in small circles on the nape of her neck.

He brought his mouth back to hers, sliding his tongue in her mouth and let his hands wonder down her body and slid one under the edge of her shirt, bringing it up to cup her breast through her bra. He let his finger brush across the skin at the edge of her bra and when she didn't make any signs of objection, he pulled off the shirt and unclasped her bra, bringing his hand back to breast and letting his thumb run circles on the nipple. She moaned softly, and he brought his mouth down to one breast, while still teasing the other with his hand.

It had been too long since he'd felt like this, since he'd started working for the ARC, there hadn't been time for relationships or anything, and his desires had his body in overdrive. He brought his mouth back to hers and began pulling her into the bedroom, pushing her down on the bed.

His hands found the snap of her jeans and quickly undid them and slid them off, before he began letting his lips stray from hers and begin traveling down her body again. He slid his hand between her legs and began fingering her through the thin fabric of her panties. She moaned deeply, her back arching and pushing his teasing fingers deeper, the fabric slipping aside, he began probing her deeper, his rubbing and pressing causing her to orgasm against his hands.

She quickly removed his jeans and boxers and he slid off her panties, before pressing himself deep inside her. She wrapped her knees around his waist and flipped him to where she was on top, she brought her mouth back to his, kissing him deeply as she began rocking back and forth. This time it was him who moaned deeply and was quickly forced into an orgasm.

He didn't know how long it was before they lay together, exhausted, exchanging lazy kisses, Abby eventually falling asleep against his chest. He lay there awake for a long time, running his hand up and down her spine. He realized Jess had been right, he did love Abby, and he'd wanted what happened between them, but he worried she'd regret it. She'd been upset, and he was pretty sure that was the only reason it had happened.

"_But the planets all aligned, when you looked into my eyes, and just like that the chemicals react." Aly and AJ_


	5. Chapter 5 No Strings Attached

**Chapter 5. No Strings Attached**

When Becker woke up the next morning, he found the space beside him empty, he glanced at the clock and found it just after five in the morning. He slid out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers and jeans, before walking out into the living room, still trying to figure out what he should say to Abby about the previous night.

He found her tending to the lizards, and leaned against the doorway watching briefly before announcing his presence.

"Morning," he said finally.

"Morning," she replied, turning to face him, not completely meeting his eyes.

"Abby…about last night, I'm sorry, you were upset and I took advantage of that…of you."

"Last night was as much me as it was you Becker, I didn't exactly say no. I just feel like I'm betraying Connor, I mean we were together while we were trapped, and he loved me… it just doesn't seem right."

"It's fine Abby, you don't owe me any explanations," he told her.

"I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Like I said it's fine, I'm not upset, look I've got to head into the ARC early, I'll see you when you get there."

He sat in the armory checking over all the tasers when Jess came in.

"Morning Becker!" she said, her normal, chipper self.

"Morning Jess, how are you?" he asked, not looking up from the charging dock.

"Fine, but you're not, what's wrong?" she asked, pulling herself up to sit on the counter next to the charging dock.

"I'm fine Jess," he tried to assure her.

"Liar, what's going on?"

He sighed, "It's just personal stuff."

"It's Abby," she stated simply.

"What…what makes you assume that?"

"One you're defensive, so now I know it's her, two, I know you,"

"Alright, fine, you were right, I love her, happy?" he snapped.

"Not really, cause you're not, what happened?"

"Look Jess, I can't really go into it, let's just say I did something I shouldn't have and blew it."

She reached out and put a hand on his shoulder,

"I wouldn't be so sure you blew it, just give her some time to sort things out, then maybe breech the topic again."

"That is a topic that does not need to be breeched again," he said quickly.

"Oh…OHHH," she giggled, "Okay so maybe don't breech it the same way, but let her know how you feel, first at least."

"Jess whatever you're thinking, I'm pretty sure you're wrong," he lied.

"Oh I don't think so lover boy, I think I'm dead on the money, but don't worry my lips are sealed," she said mimicking zipping them and throwing away the key, before hopping off the counter.

"You're crazy," he called after her as she walked off.

"But not unpleasantly so!" she called back.

He couldn't help laughing before he turned back to his work. He saw Abby come in and head to the menagerie about an hour later, by that point he'd finished in the armory and was talking to a couple of his men in the main room. She gave him a small wave, and he gave her a small nod in return.

_I need to talk to you, _she mouthed.

He met her eyes briefly and nodded almost unperceptively. He finished up with his men then headed back to the menagerie, finding her inside feeding the mammoth, standing on her tiptoes so it could reach.

"Abby," she turned at the sound of his voice.

"Hey," she said with a small smile, "I've been thinking and I'm going to find somewhere else to stay, it's just not fair to you, especially after last night."

"What! No! I mean…you don't need to do that, nothings going to be weird between us," he said trying to compose himself, he didn't want her to leave.

"How can they not?" she asked.

"Abby…I understand that things are strictly platonic for you and I'll respect that, I promise, but don't leave."

"Becker, that's the problem, things aren't strictly platonic for me, but I can't just jump into another relationship, it's not right…"

"Alright, so we'll give it some time, I don't want you to leave though Abby, I like having you there."

"This might be a bad idea,"

"Why?"

"Because I know I'm not ready for another relationship, but I don't know if I can keep things from happening if I'm in the same house with you," she said with a small laugh.

"Alright what about this, if they happen, they happen, no strings, no expectations?" he said, knowing he sounded completely unlike himself.

She laughed, "Alright, I'll stay, but I'm going to do everything in my power to make sure those things don't happen, at least not until I'm sure I can be with you 100%"

"Alright," he said smiling at her, "As long as you'll stay."

"_Feels like I'm running, running as fast as I can, feels like I'm trying, trying to understand why I keep crashing as hard as I can into you." Alexz Johnson_

****Sorry guys, I know Becker is crazy OOC in this but I had a weird muse with this chapter, so I ran with it.**


	6. Chapter 6 I Could Never Explain

**Chapter 6. I Could Never Explain**

"_Try as I may, I could never explain, what I hear when you don't say a thing." Alison Krause_

A week later Becker walked into his flat to find the smell of cooking coming from the kitchen. It was something he was getting used to, along with Abby's personal touches around the flat, nothing major just her book on the coffee table, a couple throw pillows on the bed, that kind of thing. If he were to tell the truth, it was a nice change to coming home to an empty flat.

He leaned quietly against the doorway, watching her dance around the kitchen, going between stirring something in a pot and cutting vegetables. She sang along to whatever she was listening to, and while she wasn't a particularly amazing singer, he still loved the sound of it.

"What are you listening to?" he asked in way of announcing his presence.

She jumped and then sighed,

"You scared the hell out of me!"

"Sorry!"

"It's fine…oh and to answer your question, Drops of Jupiter,"

"Drops…of Jupiter?" he replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, it's a great song."

"With a strange name, what are _drops of Jupiter _exactly?"

She pursed her lips, before laughing, "Honestly, I have no idea! I've wondered the same thing myself on several occasions."

He laughed, "Can I do anything to help?"

"There are some potatoes in the strainer if you don't mind cutting them up, that'd be great."

He grabbed a knife and set to work, still watching her as she danced around. He sat the knife down on the counter after he'd finished cutting the potatoes and grabbed Abby's hand, pulling her close to him.

"What are you doing?" she laughed.

"You seemed in the mood to dance, so I'm dancing with you," he said with a smile.

She laughed and put one hand on his shoulder, while he took the other in his, guiding her easily around what little room they had in the kitchen. She was smiling, which is exactly what he'd been trying to achieve, she didn't smile near enough anymore.

They ate dinner and talked, then he helped her clean the kitchen.

"Want to watch a movie?" she asked as they finished up.

"Sure."

"We really need to update your dvd collection," Abby mused as she flipped through cases.

"What's wrong with my dvds?" he asked.

"One, you're lacking anything with Morgan Freeman in it, which is just sad. Two…westerns, really?"

He laughed, "Okay, so I'm in desperate need of an upgrade. The westerns my cousin gave me, I didn't actually buy those, don't worry."

"There may be hope for you yet," she mused, settling down on the couch next to him.

They weren't even thirty minutes into the movie when Becker's cell rang.

"Anomaly alert," he said, hanging up from the call.

Abby sighed and pulled herself to her feet, "Lets go."

Becker reached out and caught her hand in his, "Promise me whatever is going on when we get there, you'll be careful."

"I promise," she smiled.

"_The touch of your hand says you'll catch me if ever I fall. You say it best, when you say nothing at all." Alison Krause_


	7. Chapter 7 Thinking About Us

**Chapter 7. Thinking About Us**

They met up with Jess as soon as they got to the ARC.

"Where is it?" Becker asked jumping right in and beginning to load weapons.

"Theatre on Cooper Street," she said, "I'm still trying to get in touch with Matt."

"Alright, Abby and I are going to go on ahead, have Matt meet us there."

"Will do!"

The theatre was dark when they got there, something was off.

"I don't see Matt anywhere." Abby said quietly.

"Jess said, he was here. Apparently, he was close when he got the call, his position is coming from backstage."

They headed back stage and began looking around, the first thing they found was the anomaly and Becker sat to work sealing it as Abby began looking around.

"Becker!" her voice came from several feet away, and sounded panicked, "You may want to see this!"

He hurried over, worrying first and foremost that it was a creature and she was in danger. It wasn't a creature, it was a woman's body, dead, but not from a creature attack. He leaned down and checked her pulse for good measure, shaking his head slightly when he didn't get one.

"What the hell is going on here?" Abby asked looking over at him.

"I have no idea, but I'm liking it less and less by the second."

They moved through the backstage area, Abby stopped and picked something up so Becker could see, Matt's black communication box.

"You don't think he's gone through, do you?"

"He's not that stupid," Becker said, staring at the anomaly, "He wouldn't, not without backup, he's didn't want me going in after you."

"But what if he has, and he tries to come back and the anomaly is sealed?"

"We can't take that kind of chance, unsealing it."

"If a creature comes through, we can deal with it, we can't take a chance that he is on the other side, trapped, either. You don't know what it's like." she said, her blue eyes boring into his.

He reached out and cupped her cheek in his, "You're right, but I do know what it's like to have someone I care about trapped on the other side. Let's get it unsealed."

"Thank you," she said, reaching up and squeezing his hand.

They'd barely had the anomaly open a full minute when Matt came through supporting a girl. Becker didn't even had a chance to seal it back before a lizard-like creature came through after him.

Becker quickly pushed Abby out of the way, struggling to get a decent shot at it. He could see Abby out of the corner of his eye trying to get the anomaly sealed again.

"Abby, look out!" he yelled as the creature leapt in her direction.

She looked up, and seeing the creature coming at her, darted to the side. Becker squeezed the trigger on the EMD, watching as the creature fell to the ground. He caught Abby's eyes, who sighed in relief and gave him a small smile. They unsealed the anomaly and got the creature back through, Matt having already left for the hospital with the girl he'd come through the anomaly with.

He walked over to her and noticed the blood on her sleeve, and began to panic slightly.

"What happened to your arm?"

"Hmm," she said looking down, "Oh that, caught it on a prop, it's nothing."

He let it drop until they got back to his flat, where he immediately went and retrieved a first aid kit. Coming back out, he found her sitting on the bed, rubbing it gingerly.

"Nothing, huh?" he mused.

"It's just a little sore."

"Can you umm, pull the sleeve down or something so I can take a look at it?"

She struggled with the sleeve for a minute before realizing it wasn't coming down far enough, and removing the shirt completely. Becker tried to keep his eyes focused on her wounded arm, but kept finding his gaze straying. It wasn't helping matters that her skin was soft, warm and inviting under his touch. He applied a bandage to her shoulder and pulled back.

"There that should have you taken care of."

"Thanks," she said with a smile.

"Not a problem," he said running a finger down her cheek.

She leaned her face into his hand, and he stroked it gently, before leaning down and pressing his lips very gently against hers.

"_I was thinking 'bout her, thinking 'bout me. Thinking 'bout us, what we gonna be?" Nelly_


	8. Chapter 8 My Confusion Shows

****A bit of a filler, next chapter much better I promise!**

**Chapter 8. My Confusion Shows**

The kiss had been brief, he'd made sure not to let it go any further than just a kiss, he knew Abby didn't want that, wasn't ready for it.

He lay on the couch, staring at the ceiling, everyday she was around he was falling more and more in love with Abby, and everyday it was getting harder not to do something rash. He hadn't meant to kiss her that night, but she affected him in a way few women had.

_Can I ever be to her what Connor was? _he wondered to himself.

He must of dozed off at some point, because he woke several hours later and realized the flat was freezing cold.

"Oh, don't tell me the heats gone out," he muttered to himself, fiddling with the dial and getting no response, "Great."

He proceeded to try the light switch and realized the power was out.

"Even better," he mused

He walked into the bedroom to find Abby curled up in a ball on the middle of the bed, shivering in her sleep, and quickly pulled the blanket around her tightly, before gently kissing her forehead.

She'd fallen asleep reading, so he picked the book up off the bed, and slid a marker in it before laying it on the bedside table and turning to leave the room. Only stopping when Abby's hand caught his.

"Stay," she murmured.

His eyes widened in surprise, but he slid under the covers next to her, wrapping his arms around her when she snuggled against his side.

The sun streaming through the windows woke him, and he could tell it's position in the sky he'd slept later than he'd meant to. Abby was still curled up against him, head resting on his chest. He smiled, enjoying her nearness and wrapped his arms around her waist.

"Becker.." she mumbled sleepily, several minutes later.

"Morning," he said softly.

"What time is it?" she asked, turning to face him.

"I'm not completely sure, the power went out last night and my phone is in the other room. I'm guessing around nine though," he replied.

"We're so dead," she laughed, "Lester is going to kill us!"

He laughed, "Maybe not, maybe he hasn't noticed…"

Abby just raised an eyebrow.

"We should probably get ready and head in."

"Yeah, probably," he sighed, pulling himself off the bed and grabbing clothes from the dresser.

It was just before ten when they got to the ARC, Matt caught Becker's eye when he and Abby walked in together and raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

"I'm going to head to the menagerie," she told him with a smile before disappearing down the hall.

He was…confused to say the least, Abby had asked him to stay, not that he was objecting by any stretch of the imagination, he just didn't want to form a false that she was ready to move on from Connor.

Sighing, he walked over to the ADD and stopped to stand next to Jess.

"Everything quiet so far today?" he asked.

"Yep," she said giving him her normal, warm smile, "How are you this morning?"

"Fine, the heat's out at my flat, so I spent most of the drive here trying to get in touch with a repairman, and well you know how much _fun _that is"

She laughed, "Are they going to get it fixed?"

"By tomorrow, they _promise,_" he mused sarcastically, "I'll be lucky to see them before late morning tomorrow."

"Do you two want to stay at my place until it's fixed, there's plenty of room."

He smiled, "I appreciate it Jess, but we'll be fine."

"Alright, so how are things going with you two anyways?"

"Could be worse, could be better I guess," he said with a laugh, "I'd chat longer but I've got to go take care of inventory in the armory."

"Alright, see you later!"

"Bye, Jess."

He wondered into the armory and pulled out one of the handhelds they now used for inventory and began sorting through things. He didn't even realize Abby was in the room until her hand caught a box of tranq darts he almost dropped.

"Thanks," he said with a smile resifting everything to take them from her.

"Here let me help, what do you need to know?"

"Just how many are there, thanks Abby."

They worked together, sorting through boxes and imputting it into the computer, they were silent except for the occasional exchange of data. Each of them, Becker was pretty sure, were lost in their own little worlds.

He opened his mouth to speak to her probably a hundred times but shut it before he'd say anything, afraid of making things complicated.

"_My confusion shows whenever you get too close, I stumble, I stutter, forget what to say, I'm nervous I wonder why I'm acting this way." Alexz Johnson_


	9. Chapter 9 Temporary Insanity

**Chapter 9. Temporary Insanity**

"_You made a move and changed your mind, too much to lose, you've crossed the line between friends and something more" Alexz Johnson_

Becker walked into the living room of the flat after putting away the last of the dishes after he and Abby finished dinner. She was sitting on the couch, absorbed in a book and didn't look up when he sat down.

He wanted to talk to her, needed to talk to her, he was going crazy not knowing what the way she was currently acting meant. He picked up his own book and tried to concentrate on the words in front of him, but it was useless.

"Abby, can we talk?" he asked, laying the book back down.

She slipped a marker in the book, and looked up at him.

"Of course, what's going on?" she asked.

He struggled to find the right words, to put them in a proper sentence.

"Abby…last night when…" he sighed, he really wasn't good at this sort of thing, "Abby…have things…changed between…us?"

"I've been trying to figure that out all day," she said with a small smile, "And the truth is as much as I loved Connor, and as much as I miss him, I'm ready to move on…with you…that is if you still have the same feelings for me that you did."

If he were the happy dance sort of person, he might have actually done one, instead he smiled, and slid from the armchair he was sitting in to the couch beside Abby. He reached over and cupped her face in his hand, before kissing her deeply.

"That hasn't changed," he mumbled, pulling away only briefly.

"_Oh what you do to me. What comes over me. If this is crazy, there's nothing I'd rather be." Alexz Johnson_

****So I really felt like this chapter needed to be posted as is, sorry for the shortness, but I was really happy with it**


	10. Chapter 10 Hold On To Me

****Warning lots of angst! A spin on 4x04**

**Chapter 10. Hold On To Me**

The next day brought an anomaly alert at the high school, and Becker had a bad feeling before he even left the ARC.

The only upside was that it was a Saturday and no one would be at the school. They searched the school, but couldn't find the creature anywhere. Their luck wasn't holding out either, there was three kids in the school, two boys and a girl, the boys on one end, the girl on another.

"Split up, I'll go one way, the two of you go the other," Matt instructed Becker and Abby.

The school was in lockdown and they weren't getting anywhere, every door they tried was locked tight.

"Jess, you're going to have to get these doors open!" Becker said through the earpiece.

"I'm trying," she said desperately, "Okay, okay, they should be open!"

He tried it again and this time it opened, and he and Abby hurried down the corridor.

"Becker you have to get to the gym, fast!" Jess screeched, "The creature is in there with her!"

Abby and Becker exchanged panicked glances, and took off at a run down the hall. The burst through the gym door moments later. He looked around but saw no one.

"Where is she Jess?" he asked quickly.

"The stands…it dragged…her under the….stands," she choked out.

"Stay here," Becker said, putting a hand on Abby shoulder, if it was bad news, he didn't want her to have to see that.

"No…I'm coming with you…I have to know," she said firmly.

"Abby please," he begged, before heading off to the stands.

The girl was there…but it was too late. Becker closed his eyes, hating himself for not getting there faster.

"We were too late," he told Jess solemnly.

"Oh god!" Abby's cry came from his left.

He turned and saw Abby was right beside him, staring at the horror that lay under the stands. He quickly took her into his arms and she buried her face in his chest, sobbing.

"I'm sorry Abby, I'm sorry I wasn't fast enough…that you had to see that."

"It's not your fault, we…we did everything we could." she said quietly.

_I should have done better, _he thought.

**Three Days Later**

Becker fidgeted uncomfortably with his shirt collar, how he hated formal attire. He tried to straighten his tie for the hundredth time and managed just to, if possible, make it more crooked.

"What are you doing?" Abby asked coming into the room.

"Trying to get this damn thing straight," he muttered.

She walked over and put her hands on his,

"Let me," she said, taking it and managing to get it straight in two seconds.

"Thank you," he sighed, "Are you sure you want to do this with me? You don't have to."

"I'm positive, I think it's a really good thing we do this, I…I feel just as responsible."

"Alright then, let's go," he said extending his hand to Abby, who quickly laced hers through his.

Truthfully, he was glad she was coming, this wasn't something he wanted to do alone. He was incredibly glad to have her there as they watched the body of the girl they both only knew of as, Beth, be laid to rest.

_"You can show me your weaknessAnd never be ashamed._ _Hold on to me when your world's turning cold, when it feels like your life's spinning out of control. You're hoping, praying, trying so hard to believe. Hold on to me when there's no middle ground, and every emotion is coming unwound" John Michael Mongomery_


	11. Chapter 11 I Saw You Cry

***So I was going to leave the whole funeral thing after the end of the last chapter, but I was inspired to continue it briefly, so here goes… Oh the beginning of this chapter will be from Abby's POV. I couldn't get the stupid underline off the quote, I don't know why...And sorry this chapter is so short, but I'm not feeling the best and couldn't focus to make it longer**

**Chapter 11. I Saw You Cry**

"_In places no one will find, all your feelings so deep inside. Was there that I realized, that forever was in your eyes, the moment I saw you cry." Mandy Moore_

Becker and Abby stayed to the back of the crowd in the cemetery, classmates stood in small clusters, family occupied the center first couple rows, and who Abby assumed were teachers, stood in groups of two and three further back. She saw the two boys who'd also been at the school that day, both looking solemn and in shock.

She felt Becker's hand tighten around hers as the casket was lowered into the ground, and squeezed his hand reassuringly. She glanced up just as a single tear slipped down his cheek, in all the time she'd known him, she'd never seen Becker shed a tear.

He felt responsible, he always would, for Beth, for Sarah…she knew the only thing she could do now was be there for him now, she hadn't been able to when Sarah died, but nothing would keep her away now. Somehow, it had taken her until that moment to realize just how important to her Becker was, just how much she loved him.

Becker was distant the entire way home, she wished she knew what to say, how to make him understand it wasn't his fault.

They walked into the flat,

"I'm going to start tea or something…" Becker said heading for the kitchen.

Abby sat on the couch rubbing her face with her hands, he needed space, she knew that, she just wished she could help him, be there for him like he'd been there for her when Connor died. Becker walked into the room and handed her a mug before sitting down beside her.

"Becker," she started finally after the silence had become unbearable, "None of this is your fault, what happened to Beth was…horrible, but we did everything we could in the circumstances."

He looked over at her, his eyes still distant, "I'm a soldier, I've seen people die, more than I really care to talk about…but never a child…it's different, harder."

She leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, "I know, I know it is," she murmured softly.

"I'm glad you were there today Abby, I don't know if I could have handled another funeral alone. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me Becker, I'm always going to be there when you need me."

He smiled, then leaned in and caught her lips with his, she kissed him back.

"I love you," she murmured against his lips.


	12. Authors Note

Guys, basically my muse for this story is no more, notta, zilch, zero, I'm sorry. I'm happy with where it is as a conclusion, so I'm calling it complete. Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing!


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